what is this music that I feel in my bones, in every cell,
makes me get up and dance all alone
but hear it not in the drum of my ears?
what is this music that I feel in my bones, in every cell,
Hai, Hoooooy, Everything that is anything plays the chord of my Heart tonight,
Tired? Wings of heart open,
Anything to complain? Soaring higher in freedom,
~ Everything is fuel for this sky dance ~
Tonight, the mind has graduated from sanity and insanity,
they are there standing in service at the moment of need.
This is what happens after a long day of work, coming home,
and if the Heart dares to complain,
This warrior, with legs crossed,
surrenders everything, everything surrenders,
in the dark of nothing, She Awakens, animating the cosmos in every cell,
and nothing makes any sense, everything makes sense.
Who can understand anything anymore here?
if you looked in my face, you’d see mellow contentment,
if you’d look in my mind, you’d see question-less calm,
if you’d look in my heart, you’d see the cool fire projector,
if you’d look out of my eyes, you’d wonder how is it there are still any walls in this world?
and then, you’d wonder, and be Lost till the phone rings and mind comes back to service.
complaint isn’t possible
Fire within keeps burning, from endless time
Slashing through veils, creating mazes, tending my creations
My passion is always my one Beloved beneath every endeavor
It may be my creation, my own maze, the passion sweetens as deep as it burns
I feel so powerful daring to be so vulnerable at the same time.
Only this way I have a song, a poem, a glass of wine, a possibility that never was before.
There is beauty and silence in the pure experience regardless what is happening. I see this when I let go of agenda, expectation, and actively embrace the pure experience without differentiating. A militant non-dual view perhaps, the worst has something beautiful in it. I find this to be a healthy foundation enabling strength in spirit, and enjoying life with eyes wide open.
Last night, as I layed back to sleep in my bed and closed my eyes, I awoke in my dream in the same bed in the same room.
The room began to move like a ship on the sea. My vision became panoramic and seeing from inside the room and outside in unison. My room was floating in the middle of a blue ocean where every drop when looked at seemed infinitely vast. A school of orka whales began attacking the walls of my room floating in the ocean, and I realized I was maintaining the room with my mind in an awake dream. There was no place but the ocean and I was being overwhelmed by the attack of the orka’s. I decided to enter to the inner dimensions as I witnessed my body in front of me, and in the middle of my forhead was a door. The door opened, and behind it another door, and like this a rollodex of doors kept opening with nothing inside any of them. “I” was cornered having no place to go.
A beautiful goddess like woman came with a friendly transendent voice, in between her and my vision were hanging upside down a succulant herb. She reminded me it’s okay while accepting my own emptiness, I disappared again into myself.
Dive into the source of that dream, disappear as you remain, and reappear as the Dreamer weaving your world. Keep disappearing and reappering to keep the light of the Dreamer shining. In a world open to dreams, there is wider possibility. The mystical realms, the trance state of dreams, the new age quantum physics all remind us that knocking on wood means less as our courage, creativity, and potential grows.
Greet me not from any presumed culture.
Leave politeness and pride before you enter.
Don’t try to spoil me by flattery, feed not my pride nor character, let me be self sufficient, let me fail without saving me, let me vanish! Only this way, you may have a chance to see me.
Introduce not yourself by the names, labels, accomplishments, and past stories.
Be authentic and mean what you say! What is alive for you?
Self-Examine your every gesture, manner of breath, and posture for true authenticity with yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and beyond.
Hold no concept called “beyond”, beyond is a word for the unknown dimension(s). The concepts often keep you from going beyond concepts! Trapped in thinking!
If there is thinking, thinking about thinking, consider it all thinking if you are looking to find yourself! You are not found in thinking. Recognize in searching for Truth/Self et all esoterica (inner knowledge), that knowing exists regardless of thinking, and thinking serves like acknowledgment or recognition to that knowing.
Recognize that any self-judgement isn’t yours; if you are being yourself it is impossible to self-judge… all those self-judging voices were given to you by peers (parents, cultures, religions, schools, governments, commercials, etc.) ever since you became conscious and impressionable!
Recognize if you are not willing to change there won’t be any growth. Change means giving up your beliefs, fears, religions, cultures, faiths, ambitions, plans, general grips, controls, and manipulations over reality and truth. Reality and Truth don’t need anything to be supported… if they do, they are not! Death and rebirth are the seeds for evolution, maturity, and wisdom; therefore there is no life without embracing death. In embracing death, you come out of your mind and into the pure potential of the present moment. There is an underlying fear until death is faced and embraced not once in even a true near death experience but in every moment of life. Every moment that death is acknowledged as a possibility, you are more alive, more true, and here! Being aware of this moment to moment death and rebirth our consciousness can expand and recognize itself, our individual life and existence itself. In the moment to moment embrace of death, there life is full, ego/pride/ignorance are null.
Though you may come to irrefutably know, it is on the foundation of not knowing and acknowledgement that your thinking-mind will never know, this way your whole being, consciousness, insight, intuition and so on can naturally be part of your expression… yourself, a flow of consciousness and pure experiencing.
Recognize that even reaching the highest peak or deepest valley is just another beginning; that this Magnanimous Multi-Dimensional Existence is also infinite. That those of us with real courage, self-love, and love for existence can push into new dimensions that perhaps no human or even great mystics may have experienced prior, we can become conscious participants of the ever-evolution. Recognize our own deep value and potential for working with Existence to Recreate ourself. The art of the mystic is in recreating, forging, and transforming the self.
boundaries and forms are the miracles in this infinite experience;
intensity of soul fire burns everything but your own infinite nature…
grateful for that which ignites the fire of remembrance and burns away the ignorance
From the self-loving contentment of aloneness, a space opens for intimacy
When self-loving contentment of aloneness is no longer an aspect of intimacy, suffering returns.
Out of this space for intimacy, in order to enhance my own self-loving contentment of aloneness, there is an invitation to connect without binding in fear-contracts, without imposing, without manipulation, without expectations nor agendas. In return, I offer you space for our many cycles of intimacy and separation. There is never a promise to return, yet, moment to moment accepting of possibilities and responsibility for how I and you each separately choose to experience reality. An acceptance that I am responsible for my own pains and joys, and in the same way, it’s not about you when I push you away or invite you to return; it is an expression of my own self love. Often I prefer aloneness, and I may invite intimacy how I choose. Choosing intimacy with me can seem dangerous if you don’t love yourself, nor if you can’t come to know and trust me. In every moment there are invitations and actions, and if I choose according to what makes another happy over what makes me happy I will be in pain. It is my responsibility to keep myself happy, to engage when the terms of engaging are compatible with my self-love. It isn’t personal, in that my effort is in being sincere and authentic with myself, and letting that create the moment to moment dance.
In a relationship we can play roles of lover and beloved, parent and child, and so on. Yet, from my own culture of self-love, I am my own lover and beloved, I am my own master, I am my own parent and child, and so on. This doesn’t mean sharing with other human beings, animals, plants, planets, elements, atoms, and so on doesn’t happen. Body enjoys sensual/healing/loving touch, Heart enjoys sharing devotion/affection/joy, Mind enjoys creativity/conversation/contemplation, being enjoys experiencing, and so forth. Still, the ultimate center for fulfilment is at the center of my own being. Fairy tales are fairy tales, and I am free willy swimming in the oceans, making friends where it happens.
I am always in movement within myself within existence, every changing within and without. This is my evolution, it arose out of self love, how can I allow anything to bottle it? I choose freedom without boundaries, restrictions, traps, promises, conditions, and so forth.
This self-loving contentment of aloneness, and the freedom and liberation expresses itself as compassion, healing, love, guidance, intimacy, and sharing and so on according to capacity and receptivity.
If you don’t know what self love is, here’s a start…
interact with yourself in any manner, if the result feels good, gives relief, increases energy and knowledge, and gives overall benefit, then continue with it. keep interacting, and in the activity you’ll get better at it, as it refines it becomes a dance, your dance.
in the background, contemplate yourself in retrospect until you arrive in the presence in the presence, keep the contemplation until you are in unity with yourself, oneness you’ll reveal to yourself. The contemplation will create the intelligence you need to best love yourself, and best be with others.
I’ve written here from one recent sitting’s experiences in meditation. Presently, meditation for me is something that happens and takes its own course as I sit. It’s like sitting on a train watching the many stations pass. Each station more beautiful than the other. It is like an unfolding, rising, transforming, transcending, and blooming experience. I am not the same person who comes out, and the distance of these shifts or rebirths over the years seems to get closer and closer, until no longer quantifiable, no longer a seeker, no longer a sitting, but rather a happening.
Please note, I use the word “I” many times. Experience is subjective, and I’m only sharing my view, or personal experience. My own view, experience, perspective is changing all the time; I freely contradict myself too
Each of the below sections is a descriptive of an experience, and each following section builds and is a continuation of the previous.
I share this, in hopes to inspire; it’s written from my own intimate expression of self love… there are no separations between body, mind, energy nor spirit, all aspects are potentially unified aspects of one being, self love is the harmony maker, nature is a guide, joy is a barometer, self love spirited contemplation brings many good mind seeds like intention for clarity and peace as guiding principles, willingness to learn new and different perspectives and states and stages of being,
Body’s song to Goddess Earth
in joy touching, being touched(living)
in joy relaxing from tension to ease(asan)
like this, each tension is an impression(vasan) released
nerve jolts send bright orange and yellow colored petaled spirals in my subtle nervous body
the body awakens, with a present natural awareness containing knowledge of nature
sensual, fragrant, alive, in embrace
the body, in relaxed observance of itself and environment, with the nature’s knowledge of self-love and harmony begins contemplating itself, the body energetically reaches the mind, the body awareness reaches consciousness. the body in humility, surrenders to the loving presence within, and so the lower mind becomes self aware
A heart’s Prayer
head bowed, heart open
a bright white light shines from center of the chest
this center is the heart-mind
it’s filled with songs, it’ll make you aware of your own feelings
it will bring you to loving tears, in recognition of how you have been treating yourself
truth is transcendental, aware of all aspects of being
truth is uncovered as the heart contemplates itself, and the light of this truth begins to release all emotional blocks, layers of fears, and unmet needs, tears and laughter sometimes happen as the heart awakens, and sometimes, it’s just silence and peace
at the heart’s awakening, self knowledge transcending limitations happens
heart awakens my soul
A soul’s prayer
ancient, most ancient longing, pain, longing, suffering, anger, rage, violence, fear, terror, and all extremes
oh, dark night of the soul, in a moment the spirit of self love and truth turns all this…all this into fragrance and fearlessness, seeking ends, questions end, fears end, your identities end
emptiness, transcendental waves of energy move through heart & soul, body & mind
self contemplation lifts above body and mind
conscious awareness becomes center point of perception
let go of all limitations, infinite experiences,
eternity in the moment, boundless extensions of feelings, thoughts, memories, knowledge
soul awakens as higher self, you are now the ancient one
A soul’s remembrance
sitting alone, totally alone, a spark awakens within the soul’s source
an expanded transcendental intimate unity with the reality
experiencing observed, self love happening, deeper repressed subconscious impressions begin healing
everything is just happening while attention is at center point of self
that which I thought I was praying to, now experienced as myself
as duality ends, so does prayer, but this is not heartless, soul less, loveless and senseless
this is not I-less, nor I-ness, this is consciousness
this is logical, and illogical, this makes sense to the sane and insane
this makes sense to human, animal, plant, planet, element, atoms, and cosmic
this consciousness is even where there isn’t, it is the basis for reality, needing nothing
this condition-less fulfilment, this is acceptance of that which is
I feel anyone with sincere effort can experience all this, and I feel there are particular states of our being which sincerity alone is not enough but require true persevering dedication that rare souls achieve. Of these particular states of being, they could be the contributions made by great souls in art, science, religion/spirituality, and so on. The great Yogi’s, Sufi’s, Shaman’s, Buddha’s, and many other spiritual masters (master’s of themselves) who may not fall under any category are our inspirations towards our highest potential. According to our own aspirations, we are surrounded by grace. Trust, at each stage, if you are ready, the teacher(s) appear; so far this truth hasn’t been proven wrong to me through various stages; but most importantly, learn how to trust yourself, recognize, remember. I find aloneness and meditation to be absolutely necessary to stay connected with who I am. And, of what is experienced through aloneness and meditation I share of it with the surrounding environments as an expression of my own self love, and as an invitation for trans-personal loving intimacy.